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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23680684">Dumb cc one shots by lu</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/luxdare/pseuds/luxdare'>luxdare</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>American Crime Story: The Assassination of Gianni Versace (TV), Glee, Real Person Fiction, Struck by Lightning (2012)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Crisscolfer Week, Fanfiction, Funny, Glee References, Hilarious, M/M, Real Life</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 16:08:26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,002</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23680684</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/luxdare/pseuds/luxdare</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>A one-shot which actually makes no sense, based on what happened in the glee reunion on April 14 2020. </p><p>Darren's lovely wife was cooking.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Chris Colfer/Darren Criss</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>24</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. My lovely wife</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Darren had nothing to hide. He was the most honest and loyal person in the whole world. At least that's what his friends said.<br/>He could've never lied to someone.</p><p>«My wife is cooking now, or something»<br/>He said, smiling and scrolling his shoulders.</p><p>Exactly. It was April 14, 2020, and he was having a videocall with some members of the Glee cast. Although he was an adult, he still acted like a child when he was around his friends. Or like an octopus, you choose.</p><p>«So how's your wife doing?»<br/>Jane asked, cuddling his big black dog.</p><p>«Oh, you mean―yeah, yeah, she's doing fine. She's cooking»<br/>«Uhm, you already told us, I guess»<br/>Exclaimed Mattew, raising his left eyebrow.</p><p>
  <em>Dang, Darren. Calm down.</em>
</p><p>«Forgive me, guys. I am kinda tired. You know, I've been doing this stuff since 10AM. And come on, I've been dumb since forever, you should be used to that»</p><p>They all laughed, except Darren.</p><p>What if they found out?<br/>As it's been said before, Darren had never lied to them. Never in his life. Never in 33 freaking years.</p><p>Amber and Jenna appeared on the screen.<br/>«Hey Darren, how you doing!»<br/>Said the first girl, full of happiness.<br/>«My lovely wife is―»<br/>«Let me guess, she's cooking?»<br/>Said Jenna, giggling while she was drinking from her ecologic water bottle.</p><p>
  <em>Fuck Darren, stop it. Stop talking about your wife. </em>
  <em>You are not even able to keep a secret. What a dork.</em>
</p><p>Oh, there he was. Chris Colfer, in all his sweetness and hotness (nobody knew how it could be possible to be both) just joined the videocall.</p><p>Darren couldn't stop smiling, and he was sure he looked like a potato or any other vegetable which looks dumb and disoriented.</p><p>
  <em>Potatoes don't look disoriented, Darren. Potatoes cannot feel emotions. Please, use your synapses.</em>
</p><p>«Chris, hi!»<br/>Darren waved happily. Fucking potato.<br/>And also, Chris had muted his microphone.<br/>Fantastic. One second later he realized why.</p><p>Chris waved, but one second later he just left the videocall, without saying anything. Well, maybe he had said something, but you know, the mic was off.</p><p>«Fuck, the microwave!»<br/>Said a voice behind Darren.<br/>Right, his lovely wife.</p><p>«Geez, get out of there, do you want them to see you!?»<br/>Said the short boy, with a grimace on his face.</p><p>Remember the sentence at the beginning? The one about Darren never telling lies?</p><p>Uhm, maybe this time...</p><p>«Bye guys, it was nice to talk!»<br/>Said Darren, after singing an awkward version of don't stop believing, with Chris back again and Jenna and Amber laughing hard.</p><p>The videocall ended, and the boy breathed slowly.</p><p>«When I said my lovely wife was cooking,» He said, standing up and massaging his temples, «it didn't mean that yOU HAD ACTUALLY TO COOK» he screamed, being anxious.</p><p>What if they had found out?</p><p>A cute face peeped from the wall of the living room.</p><p>«I was trying to be realistic, honey»<br/>«Shut up. We couldn't be more unrealistic than this. "My LoVeLy WiFe". I hate myself now.»<br/>He looked down.</p><p>«Chris, how could you be my wife? You're not even a girl―»</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. The follow</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>dont judge me idk why i do this shit it doesn't even make sense but hey enjoy ilyall</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>In his life, Chris Colfer had been actually disappointed only twice.</p><p>The first time, he got angry because his dog had eaten his lunch. And Chris was really hungry.</p><p>The second tho, was something too serious to laugh at it.</p><p>Darren Criss didn't follow Chris back on instagram.</p><p>Yeah, it could seem something stupid. But see, when you hugged, kissed, made out with a person, you expect them to be nice to you.<br/>
Or to follow you back on Instagram.</p><p>«Come on Chris, it's not a big deal. Maybe he forgot to do it. Or maybe his account is run by people who don't want him to follow his real friends»<br/>
He had told himself, the day he hadn't found any notification saying "Darren Criss started following you".</p><p>But months had passed, and Chris had just told himself nevermind, it doesn't really matter.</p><p>Until that damnit day.</p><p>Bling, bling bling.</p><p>«W-what?»<br/>
Said Chris mumbling. It was about 5AM, and he had just received a notification.<br/>
«It's so early, who the hell is that? I'm tired, yesterday I had a Disney marathon, so let me sleep, damnit»<br/>
He exclaimed, going on with his monologue.</p><p>It took him something like 15 minutes straight(not actually straight) to open his greenish blue eyes, and realize the notification was from instagram.</p><p>Shit. Uhm, shoot.</p><p>He read slowly «D-darren Criss started following you»<br/>
What happened next? He choke.</p><p>Okay no. Not literally. But almost.<br/>
His heart started beating very fast, as he tried to breathe. Chris, you're overreacting!! you'd say.</p><p>«This is what I call a good reward for having put my tongue down his throat for about a hundred times.»<br/>
He said, proud of himself.<br/>
«Geez, it sounds really bad―»</p><p>He massaged his temples, looking at the digital clock on the cabinet on his right.<br/>
5:20AM.<br/>
He felt like he didn't need to sleep anymore.</p><p>Nah, just kidding. He fell asleep after two minutes, with a smile on his face, thinking about Darren Criss and his dorkness(is that even a word?)</p><p>Tok, tok.</p><p>I think I'll kill myself now, thought Chris, opening his eyes again. Then he saw someone tapping heavily on his window.</p><p>«Darren!? WHAT THE FUCK? Weren't you at San Francisco? And besides, it's Corona Time!»<br/>
«Did you get my texts?» Said Darren with a pervy grimace.<br/>
«It was a notification, actually»<br/>
«Yeah I just wanted to quote Umbridge in Avps»<br/>
«Oh, okay»</p><p>Chris went closer to Darren, looking at him through the window, and then he opened it.<br/>
«You started following me»<br/>
«Yeah, I did.»</p><p>«Once, I promised you that if I ever understood that I loved you, I would have started following you. And that's what I did.»<br/>
Darren went closer and closer, and then pushed his lips against Chris's.</p><p>Damn.</p><p>«Okay, don't look at me like that, I know it's been 5 years-»</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hope you enjoyed this, even if it's written just for fun. i would like to say that if i insulted chillarren in some ways, i am truly sorry. because i didn't mean to. I love you all.</p><p>lu darren's wife<br/>xoxo</p></blockquote></div></div>
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